Do you remember the moment you realized you were an advocate?

When I was 18 and again in my 40s I worked in nursing homes. The thing that stood out foremost wasn’t the fact that some seldom got visitors, it was that no one listened to them, especially at the end of life. The families kept at them to fight.
One lady was new and less than 100#. She had a stroke and could control was her voice, face and some neck. She asked if she could talk. Sure, I responded. I didn’t have a lot of time but will always listen.
She said that she was an accomplished pianist. I can’t remember where she was from. Her daughter moved there to be closer. She tried to tell her daughter how it feels to have a full and accomplished life, and just like that, she was a hundred pound rag doll. She cried. She didn’t know how to live like that. The Hoyer, the piece of equipment that lifts and rolls the person from the bed, to a chair, toilet, or other. My new friend pleaded with me to carry her to the toilet, the straps pinched her so. Since she was so immobile, I did pick her up and carry her the few steps to and from the bathroom. One day she wanted to talk about something serious. After work, I went to her room. Crying, she said she tried to talk to her daughter, she just wanted to die. Her daughter yelled at her and told her to quit being selfish, her grandchildren needed her. She (her daughter) needed her. She asked me,”Why would God make her go through all of that?”
I had to tell her that I was leaving this job in a week because of my back. But that I would come back and visit. I had others to visit with as well.
Before I left, I asked if I could pray with her, she said “I was hoping you would do that”.
I thanked God for our friendship and prayed for peace within her body and mind. I prayed that “When it’s her time, please free her from the physical burden that she is living.” I prayed for healing.
Before that, one of the nurses asked me to keep an eye on a room. The lady there was at the end of her life. I did check in a few times and prayed with her. She never opened her eyes and does soon after.
I went and talked to the administrators on these. I didn’t know if I was out of line. She said no and tried to talk me into physical therapy so that I could stay. I thanked her and apologized. I had been through physical therapy.
My new friend passed within the next couple of weeks. I would miss her and the others.

Through this, I was able to care for my mother-in-law I her home the past few days.
When my dad flew home from Florida hospitals by air ambulance to South Dakota. He was in the hospital, then said he wanted to go home. For years, he said there would come a time when I would have to intercede, this was the time. I told them that I would care for him at home. It took arguments, conversations with doctors and realizations that hospice houses were a few hundred miles away. Dad was happy, he was going home. A room was cleared out and a hospital bed moved in. His care would be around the clock, my sister-in-law would take a shift. My dad lived for 10 (I believe) days. There were good moments and difficult ones, I would do it over again.
This was an answer to prayer. All were really. I have learned that there is no greater thing than being there and letting the loved one die in dignity. I could follow doctors orders, hospice was always available and I did dispense medications.
I didn’t mean to write a book. However, I have learned that this is another way to advocate. Physically, I couldn’t do this anymore. But these were moments that no one could ever take away.
Janet

I was in a position where I realized that my children were suffering because of my focus on work and paying bills. I learned that I could combine everything and support my children in addition to my grandchildren too.

When I was diagnosed with COPD, I was feeling so alone. I went to a few sites, it didn’t seem like I fit in. No one responded to my posts or comments. I finally posted online, asking if people had COPD and and if they needed a friend. My site was open and named COPD Friends for Friends. Eventually I had 25 sites and 3-4 moderators. The sites were busy.
My life took some major changes. I was so overwhelmed. I dropped some sites that weren’t very active, eventually I cut back some more and I was online more often, one on one. It was busy. People liked the one on one better. I was also one on one with family members of the one with COPD and other health issues.
These issues were COPD, asthma, allergies, a family COPD site, a fun site, diet, exercise, cooking, prayer, a Cop Wives site, after we had a shootings in our area and more.
With so much going on in my personal life, I gave some sites to my moderators. They do help me and I do them. It’s rewarding to talk one on one with family, or the COPDer and they seem to have the most need. The individual one with different lung diseases and other as well.
Sorry, I get carried away. Those who struggle the most, who seldom post are the ones that I feel like I best chatting with. No matter what their topic.

Yeah after seeing reactions of close friends after I disclosured my AIDS diagnosis. I heard of their experiences with their family members. I knew then I could help destroy some of the stigma surrounding it.